Summer soon...

It strikes me, ever so often, at how unbelievably frivilous life and childhood can be...how people can miss so much, even though its right there in front of them. I was thinking about this, (thinking as usual, while sitting on the downstairs couch, video game on pause) and it all struck me...about the frivilousness of life, the whimsy we let go by without experiencing, the childhood that disappears far behind us until its nothing but old photographs...when Lance fell down the stairs. I was appalled, because he was giggling and when he stood up, he said, "Well that wasn't a smart thing to do..." and he came to sit beside me.
I was shocked, staring at him like an idiot and I asked him, "Why the hell did you do that?"
He shrugged and said it was because he hadn't fallen down the stairs in a while...("I forgot what it felt like.")

The last stupid thing I think I ever did (this excludes the drug habits and the violence, of course...that was all stupidity on another level) was get lured in by my horrible homeroom teacher, and after that: I fell for nothing, trusted no one and became the bitter, apathetic Johnny you know and love today...and I was only 8. When everyone else was 8, they were playing in the streets, going swimming, they had a bunch of friends in the playground...The only friends I maintained in the playground was Lance and Matt...Lance, I figure, because he had to be, he was my oldest friend...and Matt, because he was friends with Lance but he's dead now. I had grown quiet, and thoughtful after the incident, and most 8 year olds can't handle that in a friend, so they, eventually moved away...all but Lance and Matt. Then, after a fight with the school, my mom moved me away. As if not alienated enough! She puts me in the genius classes...with snot-nosed, rich kids...who don't even like me anyway and I am friendless for 5 years, until I turned bad. My first addiction, then mom's death, then more addiction, violence, violence etc. This is all I've missed. I have few photos left, all survivors of an angry fit I had, and I'm left, almost 18, graduating in days and I've experienced nothing. Thrust into adulthood way to young, and finding myself angry at my lovly, 18-year old boyfriend who can still manage to put things in his nose; watch Scooby-Doo; and throw himself down stairs for no reason. I think I am lucky to have him, but GOD do I need to make the effort to do stupid things...Raves, clubs, gigs, drugs...not good enough.
Cheers
JV