Summer soon...
It strikes me, ever so often, at how unbelievably frivilous life and childhood can be...how people can miss so much, even though its right there in front of them. I was thinking about this, (thinking as usual, while sitting on the downstairs couch, video game on pause) and it all struck me...about the frivilousness of life, the whimsy we let go by without experiencing, the childhood that disappears far behind us until its nothing but old photographs...when Lance fell down the stairs. I was appalled, because he was giggling and when he stood up, he said, "Well that wasn't a smart thing to do..." and he came to sit beside me.
I was shocked, staring at him like an idiot and I asked him, "Why the hell did you do that?"
He shrugged and said it was because he hadn't fallen down the stairs in a while...("I forgot what it felt like.")
The last stupid thing I think I ever did (this excludes the drug habits and the violence, of course...that was all stupidity on another level) was get lured in by my horrible homeroom teacher, and after that: I fell for nothing, trusted no one and became the bitter, apathetic Johnny you know and love today...and I was only 8. When everyone else was 8, they were playing in the streets, going swimming, they had a bunch of friends in the playground...The only friends I maintained in the playground was Lance and Matt...Lance, I figure, because he had to be, he was my oldest friend...and Matt, because he was friends with Lance but he's dead now. I had grown quiet, and thoughtful after the incident, and most 8 year olds can't handle that in a friend, so they, eventually moved away...all but Lance and Matt. Then, after a fight with the school, my mom moved me away. As if not alienated enough! She puts me in the genius classes...with snot-nosed, rich kids...who don't even like me anyway and I am friendless for 5 years, until I turned bad. My first addiction, then mom's death, then more addiction, violence, violence etc. This is all I've missed. I have few photos left, all survivors of an angry fit I had, and I'm left, almost 18, graduating in days and I've experienced nothing. Thrust into adulthood way to young, and finding myself angry at my lovly, 18-year old boyfriend who can still manage to put things in his nose; watch Scooby-Doo; and throw himself down stairs for no reason. I think I am lucky to have him, but GOD do I need to make the effort to do stupid things...Raves, clubs, gigs, drugs...not good enough.
Cheers
JV
I was shocked, staring at him like an idiot and I asked him, "Why the hell did you do that?"
He shrugged and said it was because he hadn't fallen down the stairs in a while...("I forgot what it felt like.")
The last stupid thing I think I ever did (this excludes the drug habits and the violence, of course...that was all stupidity on another level) was get lured in by my horrible homeroom teacher, and after that: I fell for nothing, trusted no one and became the bitter, apathetic Johnny you know and love today...and I was only 8. When everyone else was 8, they were playing in the streets, going swimming, they had a bunch of friends in the playground...The only friends I maintained in the playground was Lance and Matt...Lance, I figure, because he had to be, he was my oldest friend...and Matt, because he was friends with Lance but he's dead now. I had grown quiet, and thoughtful after the incident, and most 8 year olds can't handle that in a friend, so they, eventually moved away...all but Lance and Matt. Then, after a fight with the school, my mom moved me away. As if not alienated enough! She puts me in the genius classes...with snot-nosed, rich kids...who don't even like me anyway and I am friendless for 5 years, until I turned bad. My first addiction, then mom's death, then more addiction, violence, violence etc. This is all I've missed. I have few photos left, all survivors of an angry fit I had, and I'm left, almost 18, graduating in days and I've experienced nothing. Thrust into adulthood way to young, and finding myself angry at my lovly, 18-year old boyfriend who can still manage to put things in his nose; watch Scooby-Doo; and throw himself down stairs for no reason. I think I am lucky to have him, but GOD do I need to make the effort to do stupid things...Raves, clubs, gigs, drugs...not good enough.
Cheers
JV
posted by Mr. Death at 2:40 p.m.
7 Comments:
the mind boggles,...it's past midnight and i don't feel like going to bed... i feel unsatisfied, that i have not done much but sort papers and watch t.v. and clean the cat's ears! and sort of eat...i have very little in the way of groceries and i don't feel like going shopping! so when i read about Lance falling down the stairs on purpose i had to chuckle. i guess he was not hurt, but i can't imagine doing that myself. oh the drearies of getting old! well, i can't afford any broken bones in my condition, ...*humpht* ....i understand, you will never have your childhood again...i guess you can only "play at" being a kid...
...so you are graduating...crumbs, i remember how glad i was to be rid of school...until much later...when i went back to night school to do some university courses....but then i could CHOOSE the courses i wanted to take...well, HAPPY GRADUATION, kiddo...try to have fun....safely, if you know what i mean....i don't know what else to say...tired and thirsty...so i will have some water and go and try to sleep.
luv,
pj
Not to badly injured...but there was a spontaneous nose-bleed about 2 and a half hours later. It's awkward: sex with a cast...
Proms soon though...woopdedoo.
JV
Hi JV,
well, the "angry guy" was one of the three Samuri, and that was just his stage persona - he insisted on doing his own make-up, but in real life he is a very sweet and gentle young man!!!! (being only about 17 or 18 yrs) (who would know, eh?)
"whoopdedoo" good, or "whoopdedoo" sarcastic? ...so diffucult to discern sometimes, without sound, darn, wish i had a video cam with sound, wouldn't that be fun?
chat soon,
cheers for now,
pj
Woopdedoo meaning sarcasm. No, I knew who the man was, but I liked the way he looked...but didn't look 17 at all! Very nice images.
Cheers
JV
(I have mastered internet sarcasm, don't feel bad)
Gig was cancelled, my ass!!! Alex probably just had a date.
And yeah, yeah, yeah...way to quote an old guy we all secretely hate.
JV
Was away for a while and wanted to check in and say hi.
hi JV, 9:45 a.m. and i am alreading "sweltering" ugh. i do not like this heat, Air condition repair man came to look at unit, everything fine....
....sorry, but....sarcasm is somewhat lost on me...i don't know why but more often than not it just goes right over my head. my daughter does not believe that i used to have a "rapier wit" when i was younger. i could kill people with my sarcasm!!! now, i don't know why or how, but i just seem to have lost it...oh well...at work sometimes the clients would try to hurt me with their sarcasm, and i would just laugh, thinking they were joking, finally they gave up...
well, chickeepoos, hang in there, and don't let the bad news bears "rain on your parade" --- sorry about all the cliches, that is all i can come up with...brain-dead today!
luv etc,
pj
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