Dear God
Dear God,
Fuck you. I've been chewed up, spit out, knocked over, kicked while I was down. I'm hanging on the edge and you're stepping on my damn fingers.
I felt betrayed when I was raped...but I still had faith. I lost my faith and was angry when my mother was killed by one of your "beautiful" fucking creatures. I was outraged when you didn't answer my one.last.plea when I was slitting my wrists or trying to pull the trigger...I am blind and furious now: my baba's died. Thank you. No really, Thank You.
You've proven yourself to exist, so good job. Yeah, I believe your there: there's no other explanation for why I've been shot down so many fucking times. So I believe you're there, but not that you are good. Maybe you are, who the hell knows? Not me: how could I? And why would I?
I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you.
Love and kisses
Johnny V. (You know the one. The one you fucked over again)
RIP Marilyn Irina Valentine 1948-2006 (baba)
p.s Lance and I saw V for Vendetta. Good. Lance and I went to see HH. Good. Don't worry about me, I'm already fucking dead inside. I'll be back when I feel better. Cheers and hope all goes well for you.
Fuck you. I've been chewed up, spit out, knocked over, kicked while I was down. I'm hanging on the edge and you're stepping on my damn fingers.
I felt betrayed when I was raped...but I still had faith. I lost my faith and was angry when my mother was killed by one of your "beautiful" fucking creatures. I was outraged when you didn't answer my one.last.plea when I was slitting my wrists or trying to pull the trigger...I am blind and furious now: my baba's died. Thank you. No really, Thank You.
You've proven yourself to exist, so good job. Yeah, I believe your there: there's no other explanation for why I've been shot down so many fucking times. So I believe you're there, but not that you are good. Maybe you are, who the hell knows? Not me: how could I? And why would I?
I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you.
Love and kisses
Johnny V. (You know the one. The one you fucked over again)
RIP Marilyn Irina Valentine 1948-2006 (baba)
p.s Lance and I saw V for Vendetta. Good. Lance and I went to see HH. Good. Don't worry about me, I'm already fucking dead inside. I'll be back when I feel better. Cheers and hope all goes well for you.
posted by Mr. Death at 10:14 p.m.
7 Comments:
wow, you are sounding really down, what can i say to cheer you up? or do you just want to be left alone?
...but maybe not, so i went to my local library (behind my computer chair), took The Little Prince off the shelf and turned to a random page:
Page 66 "They also raise Chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean - 'tame?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need for you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."
*'hmmmm' she said, as she took a sip of cold coffee*
"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower...I think that she has tamed me..."
and so on and so on...you know the story, you also have all your own answers, you just have to be reminded....
listening to my Eric Clapton CD...so much good stuff on it...
luv ya kiddo!
cheers for now,
pj
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Johnny}}}}}}}}}}
When my dad died this comforted me.
..........
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die, but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
.........
please know that i am thinking of you, and holding you close to my heart. I'm going to plant a tree in my yard for your baba and you. much love
Thanks, all of you. I've definately calmed down...
sorry
JV
I have no answers, nor do you know me, so I won't say anything trite.
But my heart cries out to you. For what that's worth...
god is the truth, th eluve the life in my veines, i will never give him up, u better shuold not as well, one day it wll bemy time...maybe its not right now...whateverm as long as i am not freezin or starvin its all ok...thank god, though i am german raised as muslim germany, whatever, all i know is god luves all of us..what ever...whats the case...
god is the truth, th eluve the life in my veines, i will never give him up, u better shuold not as well, one day it wll bemy time...maybe its not right now...whateverm as long as i am not freezin or starvin its all ok...thank god, though i am german raised as muslim germany, whatever, all i know is god luves all of us..what ever...whats the case...
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