NYC

Despite what you may have hear, I do not in fact love NY. Though, I am fond of it, since it's basically a city full of people like me and I am rude. I'm learning so much.
When I moved, I managed to find a young couple who, in exchange for renting out one of their rooms cheap (nice condo), I look after their 14 month old baby a few nights a week. The kid's adorable, but don't tell anyone I said it. His name is Ethan, he's this little blond fuss-pot, and the first time I had him, I sent Lance a photo of him and me and captioned it "I have some news". Poor Lance was all upset. XD
School's been really great, learning tons of things, though a lot of people mistake me for a highschool student...which isn't so bad in retrospect, considering while in highschool I was often told to go back to middle school. :/ I'm working on a huge, 20 foot by 8 foot canvas Sharpie masterpeice that won't be done anytime soon.
Allen's also coming to school with me pretty soon, so it'll be less lonely.

As for Lance, I hate being away from him so much but we're online all the time. He's doing pretty well up in Montreal, and we're basically seeing eachother every other weekend somwhere between NY and Montreal, though it burns through the money. At least the sex is better since it's rarer.

So as you can see, Johnny's life is very very boring now. (which is better than the usual blatant kick-in-the-ass)
How has everyone else been?

JV

Been a While...

I had a few problems with internet...the main reason I was gone, though some other things have happened.
I've officially been clean for about a year and 2 months now ('cept for cigarettes and a bit of pot). Lance is shipping off to Montreal in the summer, and I to New York so that's been getting me pretty down...not to mention the X-Mas Holidays...
Anyway, an amusing but extremely immature anecdote:
The bunch of us (Eric, Lance, Allen, Ellen + me) were drinking down as the Wynter and Allen had had a bit to much...so he wandered away and threw up outside. He was gone for about 15 minutes, so we started discussing whether we should bug him or not (he's a bit...eh...shy) until Eric said he'd go out. We watched Eric get as far as the doorway, slip and fall down in mid sentence ("Allen, are you--"). He got up slowly, and came back in, passed us and went to the bathrooms. Next thing, we hear some guy say "Ugh, did someone slip in barf or what?"
Long story short, Allen and Eric haven't looked each other in the eye since then...
BTW, Leafs kick Canadien ass...Lance and I went to the game a few weeks ago. It was a late birthday present for him, I guess. My man is 20.

Not to much to add (that I can think of, anyway)...
JV

Merry Effin' Christmas

Fucking cretins....I hate TV. Human nature becomes a bottom denominator on television...football, sex jokes, racist comedians and America's Funniest Home Videos....Which has only one credit for its name: it's stupid ass people getting what stupid ass people deserve....but for the very end, where they are rewarded for being stupid or clumsy. What the fucking shit??
So I spent Moms birthday/Christmas Eve/Mom's death day watching America's Funniest Home Videos, Friends and football...which I hate, hate and hate. Lance was kind though, and eventually popped in an early X-Mas gift (Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law) and we watched that and The Boondocks until bedtime.
I found I went almost the whole day without thinking about my mom...until I was laying awake after sex with Lance, listening to him humming as he washed his hands and face and brushed his teeth before bed. It sort of struck me, and even with the thought I just presented: "Why didn't I think about her at all, all day?" I felt guilty...but a little proud at the same time...Not that I want to forget her, but I don't want it to destroy what life I have that is happy, either. I figure, in ten years, I'll be about her age, and that kind of makes me sad. When Lance sauntered back in, he smelled like soap and Aquafresh, so I rolled over and hugged him and forgot about her again.
I know what people say to me. They say, "Johnny...she'd want you to be happy..." But of course, if they're dead, the saying applies to anyone, and anyone could back me up...But with my mum, I know its true. So for now, and this may or may not be a New Years Resolution, I will just try to be happy...calm down and stop ranting about how much I hate human nature...But it probably won't work, because Lance still watches The Price is Right every morning at 11.

JV

Christmas Eve

...almost here. What do I do at this time of year? I feel a mix of confusion and anger...staring off into space and realizing hours and hours have gone by without me...Sleeping troubled, food not digesting properly, sad thoughts and angry outbursts.
I miss my mother...even though it doesn't really need to be said, I'll say it anyway. I figure she wouldn't be to happy with me now...if I'd still been living with her by now, anyway.
She always made a big deal about Christmas, and even though we couldn't afford it, she went lavish anyway and sighed over the bills for the rest of the year. She used to call Baba and Grampapa every year and tell them how good I was being, even when I wasn't. People say they can still see her in me...people being my godfather, Alex...and Baba before she passed. This year, however, will be my first Christmas without anyone in my biological family. My dad offered to take me with them on vacation, but I refused out of spite, and almost wish now that I had gone...I feel like I'm intruding on Lance's Christmas with his family...even when they swear up and down they're happy to have me.
I can surely say that X-Mas Eve will be awkward for us all...me brooding around, shaking when I hear police sirens and staring at the Christmas tree with vengeance...I'm only happy that I'll have Lance...who, as I've mentioned before, has been the most supportive, even when he didn't know it... (Holding my hand at the funeral, hugging me at the police station, taking care of me for as long as I was around...loving me, even when I didn't deserve it)
I can tell that he feels pretty sad on Christmas Eve because he loved my mom too, but it seems to me (and even though I can admit it's quite irrational) that he has no right... I wish my mom got to see me last in a good situation...I'd started cocaine when I was 12, about a year before she died, and she'd spent the year tearing her hair out about it until I turned 13 and was clean, in the October before she died.
I wish I would calm down about things, but the stress of the holidays eats me up inside and makes me unpleasant to those around me...
Sorry I've been gone...working on giant sharpie masterpiece...Running out of markers too fast.
I love you, Mama....Happy Birthday/DeathDay/Christmas Eve

Yoshka Valentine (December 24 1973 - December 24 2001)

Yo
JV

Happy Birthday...

...to me....
Fuckin' 18.
Whoohoo.

Stuff and Apology

Wow...last post.

Dear Past Johnny,
Take a fucking pill!
Love, Present Johnny.

Sorry folks....Girls call Lance...Lance go to school...Lance talk to girls and give them number in case they need help with homework...Girls stay away from Lance cause he tell them he dating boy.
Fuck me. I'm so stupid.
>_<

Lance made me do this for your pleasure....he'll probably post his shortly after...

Your real name: Johnny Valentine
Age: 17 (18 soon)
Height: 5'4
Natural hair color: black
Eye color: blue
Skin color: pale Caucasian
Glasses/contacts?: reading glasses sometimes (emo style!)
Piercings: yeah, tons. 15 and just a got a new one.

Tattoos: soon, soon...
Braces: nope
Mannerisms: angry/angst-ridden
Other distinctive markings: small scar above my left eyebrow (fight-related)

FAVOURITE
Color: black
Band: System of a Down, stutterfly, Moonspell
Video game: Final Fantasy 7, MediEval
Movie: Snatch
Book: Only Alien on the Planet
Food: Anything I can fucking get
CD: Pink Floyd ? Dark Side of the Moon
Flower: daisy (so NOT goth)
Scent: cologne...Lance's cologne
Animal: dogs
Comic book: The Watchmen
Cereal: Life Cereal (helps me with my womanly troubles)
Website: who knows?
Cartoon: Freakazoid

DO YOU
Play an instrument?: yep...piano, guitar, violin
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?: some weeks
Like to sing?: oh yeah
Have a job?: musician....also picked up job at Alex's bar
Have a cell phone?: Nope.
Like to play sports?: some....touch football with good looking fellows
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yeah.
Have a crush on someone?: Marilyn Munroe = dead
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?: I live in Canada ALL THE TIME
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?: O_O no
Have any special talents/skills?: singing, art I guess,
Exercise daily?: usually
Like school?: no....college impending

CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?: no
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?: yeah
Speak any other languages?: russian, a bit
Go a day without food?: have and can
Remember your dreams: sometimes...only the bad or sexy dreams
Read music, not just tabs?: yeah
Roll your tongue?: no
Eat a whole pizza?: oh yeah

HAVE YOU EVER
Won something in the lottery?: I wish
Snuck out of the house?: all the time
Lied to get out of trouble?: more than I can imagine
Had a computer crash?: yeah, Lance fixes though
Gotten lost in your city?: yeah
Seen a shooting star?: no
Been to any other countries?: no
Had a serious surgery?: yeah....when my lung popped
Stolen something important to someone else?: probably
Solved a rubiks cube?: yeah
Gone out in public in your pajamas?: no...don't have pjs
Cried over a girl?: no
Cried over a boy?: yeah....
Kissed a random stranger?: no
Hugged a random stranger?: yeah, on a dare
Been in a fist fight?: many fist fights
Been arrested?: yes
Done drugs?: yes
Had alcohol?: yes
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?: a couple of times
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?: when i was little, I was a goddamn monster
Sneaked into the opposite sex's bathroom?: yeah :p
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?: no.
Swore at your parents?: yes
Kicked a guy where it hurts?: yeah
Been to a casino?: no
Ran over an animal and killed it?: no
Broken a bone?: yes
Gotten stitches?: yes
Had a water balloon fight in winter?: sadly, yes...(hoses count, right?)
Made homemade muffins?: no....(who could see ME doing that??)
Bitten someone?: yes
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?: how privileged. No.
Burped in someone?s face?: no O_O

WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth: a couple of minutes ago...had a weird taste in my mouth
Cried: last night a bit
Went to the bathroom: a couple hours ago
Saw a movie in a theatre: last Saturday (Oct 14)
Read a book: yesterday
Had a snow day: last winter, I guess
Had a party: I don't know...but having one soon
Went to a doctor: last December
Tripped in front of someone: almost everyday last week
Went to the grocery store: I don't know
Got sick: still am
Got cursed: c'mon///
Called someone: about an hour ago

DO YOU PREFER
Fruit/vegetables: veggies
Black/white: black
Lights on/lights off: lights off
TV/movie: TV
Body spray/lotion: spray
Cash/cheque: cash
Pillows/blankets: pillows
Headache/stomach ache: stomach (tired of headaches)
Paint/charcoal: paint
Chinese food/Mexican food: chinese
Summer/winter: summer (no school, warmer)
Snow/rain: rain
Fog/misty: fog
Rock/rap: rock
Meat/vegetarian: meat (no vegetarian complaints....I am small, and need the protein)
Chocolate/vanilla: chocolate
Sprinkles/icing: sprinkles
Cake/pie: pie
Strawberries/blueberries: blueberries
Ocean/swimming pool: ocean....sand in my pants O_o
Cookies/muffins: cookies
Wallet/pocket: pocket
Window/door: door
Charles Chaplin/Chespirito: chaplin ;)
Pink/purple: pink (shock)
Cat/dog: dog
Long sleeve/short sleeve: long sleeve
Pants/shorts: pants
Winter break/spring break: winter break
Spring/autumn: autumn
Clouds/clear sky: clouds
Moon/mars: moon
Questions/Answers: answers
War/Peace: peace

LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP
Do you believe in love?: think so
What's the most important kind of love for you?: deep love
Have you ever been in love? yes
Been close to love?: oh yeah
If you have, with who?: Lance...I think its always been Lance
Ever confessed your feelings to the one you loved?: yeah
Really badly so that it actually hurts and you cry at night?: used to cry about him, but don't think for a confession gone wrong...
Are you in a relationship?: yeah
If so, for how long?: a year now. :O
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?: no...but everyone can find someone...
What is your idea of the best date?: quiet, maybe weird conversation....beer maybe, TV...sex....something calm, uneventful and warm
What was your first kiss like?: don't count old men...so....cold, it was cold and i was uncomfortably pressed against a cold chain-link fence....
How old were you when you got your first kiss?: 7 or 8...real young
Do you think love is worth nothing?: no..its worth a lot more than me
Best experience you?ve ever had with the opposite sex: i dunno...same sex has to be sitting on the roof with Lance
If you are single, have you had any boyfriends/girlfriends before?: a couple...girl, girl then boy
Have you ever been dumped?: no
Have you ever dumped someone?: yep

I...
Am: Thirsty
Want: Sleep
Need: Some new pants (ripped up jeans I be wearing)
Love: Those little crunchy things put in salads (croûtons?)
Hate: itchy winter hats
Feel: warm
Did: absolutely nothing
Miss: Lance (away for trail date with father)
Am annoyed by: myself...what that hell am I thinking?
Would rather: be lying on the couch
Am tired of: myself
Will always: freak out when things go good...

MISCELLANEOUS
What is your favourite genre of music?: Goth, metal, rock, punk
What time is it now?: 6 PM on the dot
How much money do you have?: 64.98 (just got paid on Fri)
Are you hungry right now?: yes
What are you doing right now?: finished watching Airplane with Alex and Eric
Do you like parades?: no
Do you like the moon?: yes
What are you going to do when you're done with this?: scratch my back...its itchy
If you could have any magical power what would it be?: Head Explody.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
Funny?: I guess
Cool?: Not really...others think so...
Pretty?: Fuck yes....Everyone says so...Effeminate much?
Sarcastic?: All the time!!!
Lazy?: Sometimes
Friendly?: Not really
Evil?: Inexplicably
Unforgettable?: Perhaps/
Smart?: I think so.
Strong?: Not really
Talented?: In some things
Dorky?: Can me (re: reading glasses)

WHAT COMES TO MIND WITH THE WORD
High: Us
Lonely: Allen (sorry pal, but its true)
Pen: Paper
Flower: Bee
Window: Cold
Psycho: Me (It's my nickname!)
Brain freeze: Squishy
Strange: Allen (Allen Strange the TV Show)
Sassy: Rap
Suffering: Emo
Art: Canvas

WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive?: Yes
Run away?: Have
Curse at a teacher?: All the time
Not take a shower for a week?: If I can help it, no.
Ask someone out?: Yes
Unscrew your cellphone too see what's inside?: No.
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?: No.
Visit a foreign country for more than a month?: Sure
Go scuba diving?: No.
Write a book?: Yeah
Assemble a computer?: Maybe
Become a rock star?: If things keep going up.
Have a long-distance relationship?: Yeah
Marry someone you don't know?: No.

LAST QUESTIONS ( FINALLY )
What kind of computer do you have?: Made of tin foil.
What grade/level of studies are you in? Post High-School, Pre-University
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?: Yeah.
How many posters do you have in your room?: 6 or so...but they're Lances.
Who else should take this quiz?: Anyone who feels like it.

Insane

I think I went insane yesterday, thinking about Lance and him going back to school and me: sitting at home, rotting and writing shit music and painting shit paintings...I smashed the cordless phone to pieces on an angry whim and I did not feel better. I stabbed my bedroom wall with a fork until part of it caved in (cheap fucking wall) and I did not feel better. I even got a phone call from Athena, and yelled at her and blew Lance off for sex and I didn't feel better. It scared me, too, because I also did not feel worse. I think I've hit a sinking feeling: I am low and cannot go any lower.
I came to the point where I decided I hated everyone I knew and wanted to make more friends...but this isn't true. I felt myself singling out God again, and talking to him and blaming him for things...and anxiety: my birthdays soon and I don't want to be 18. I don't want to be a grownup because I won't be an orphan anymore, I'll just be a kid without a mom. At least while I was a kid I could pretend I needed one. But an adult, they don't need anyone. Or so they say.
I feel like flipping off every fucking couple I see, holding hands, making out or otherwise and I think Lance is cheating on me.

JV