Weird dream...
I had the rape dream again, even after I assumed it had gone away. It was a lot more vivid then I remember it, and I woke up angry, scared and in a cold sweat. Without even realising what I was doing, I shoved Lance away, jumped out of bed and went to sit outside.
There was more to the dream this time: the rape was more brutal and there was physical violence were there wasn't before. There were dead kids in it, dangling from something or other and a package waiting for me that said "To Johnny: on his 18th (and last) birthday)". Like everything was preordained.
I'm just feeling totally fucked up. I went to stay at Conners because I'm not sure if being close to Lance is a good idea. I'm not even sure why I hit him.
JV
There was more to the dream this time: the rape was more brutal and there was physical violence were there wasn't before. There were dead kids in it, dangling from something or other and a package waiting for me that said "To Johnny: on his 18th (and last) birthday)". Like everything was preordained.
I'm just feeling totally fucked up. I went to stay at Conners because I'm not sure if being close to Lance is a good idea. I'm not even sure why I hit him.
JV
posted by Mr. Death at 1:35 p.m.
11 Comments:
i hope you are o.k. by the time you read this, i'll check back tomorrow,
luv,
pj
Relax. It was a only dream. And you're probably just finally facing up to the dream because you had ahem... Nothing is preordained... and in my humble opinion, you should go back to Lance. Just running off like that is probably going to hurt him. My two cents anyway.
good comments, dreamy, that's what i think too.
Yeah, i loved this Old Classic ('63)- lot of fond memories, too bad i had to sell it ([really the only thing i regret in this life-time]
later,
pj
That makes sense to me, but I think a sutble, nearly sub-concious part of me is afraid of him. I feel almost guilty and disgusted with myself about *ahem*.
I guess its natural?
JV
yes, it is natural given the circumstances you wrote about earlier, and given society's warped view of things - - we all have to come to terms with that, (most of us anyway) and we do, eventually...
cheers for now, take care...
pj
Hey Death,
I have been afraid of someone like that before because of something from my past. It will go away with time. You have to build trust and it doesn't come easy. That person's normal actions may even be construed by you to be bad because of what you have experienced before. I wish you well.
Anna
:::hands on hips::: there is nothing worng with "ahem"....you guys care for each other. thats it. so nada, nothing at all is wrong with it. Trust does take time, but please dont push lance away, its not his fault.
I know, I know! I don't blame him, but I can't look at him now without getting sick, and I tried calling but I got to scared to hear his voice.
I'm working on it, I know...but this is probably why they all call me "Psycho".
JV
Oh my gosh...sorry to hear about the nightmare. They're definitely scary and feel so real.
I hope all is okay now.
Just don't shut Lance out.
scrappy rose, Thanks. :p
E, the problem is the reality of it, that it basically happened. I don't mind realistic dreams if its totally fictitious.
Thanks for dropping in,
JV
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